The Bhangra Defense Mechanism: Why Participation Matters More Than Perfection
When Erica jumped on stage to lead a Bhangra dance session, I felt something I didn’t expect: triggered.
See, I’m Indian. But here’s the twist, I can’t Bhangra.
Now, if you’ve ever been to a Punjabi wedding, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The men form a circle, the dhol is pounding, everyone’s bouncing their shoulders and moving with unstoppable energy. And then there’s me, standing awkwardly on the sidelines, wishing I knew what to do with my limbs.
Cultural Identity vs. Personal Experience
This experience highlights something deeper: cultural identity doesn’t always match personal ability. Being Indian doesn’t automatically make me a great Bhangra dancer. And that’s okay. Many of us, especially in diasporic or multicultural contexts, feel that same tension, wanting to belong to traditions we identify with, while also feeling a little out of place in them.
Humor as a Social Bridge
The easiest way I’ve learned to navigate that gap? Humor.
Instead of hiding from the awkwardness, I lean into it. I laugh at myself. And when I do, others laugh with me, not at me. Humor has this incredible way of breaking down walls, easing tension, and making everyone feel included. It reminds us that none of us have it all figured out, and that’s what makes the moment fun.
The “Defense Mechanism” Dance
So, over the years, I came up with my own hack. I call it my defense mechanism dance.
It’s simple.
Step one: tilt your head up, like you’re really feeling the music.
Step two: extend your arms out with confidence.
Step three: let the rhythm take over.
Does it look like Bhangra? Not even close.
Does it get me through weddings, parties, and awkward dance circles? Absolutely.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter if I’m hitting the authentic moves. What matters is that I’m in the circle. I’m participating. I’m part of the energy.
Participation Over Perfection
Life is full of situations where we feel out of place, whether it’s at a dance circle, a meeting, or a new cultural experience. Too often, we let the fear of not being “good enough” stop us from joining in.
But here’s the lesson: engagement beats execution.
You don’t need to know all the moves to enjoy the music.
You don’t need to be flawless to be included.
You don’t need mastery to build connections.
Humor, openness, and the willingness to be imperfect create bridges that perfection never can.
The Symbolism of Dance in Gatherings
Think about it: at weddings and cultural events, dance isn’t just movement, it’s a ritual. A circle. A celebration of community and identity. When you’re in it, you feel the bonds, the energy, the shared joy. Struggling to fit into that circle can feel isolating, but it also reflects the deeper challenge of integrating into traditions when you don’t know the rules.
Adaptive Strategies for Belonging
That’s why we create little hacks. My defense mechanism dance is just one example of how we adapt to social situations. Whether it’s a goofy dance move, a joke, or simply clapping along to the beat, these strategies help us feel part of the group, even when we don’t fully know how to participate.
The Power of Music as a Unifying Force
And then, there’s the music.
The beat of the dhol. The rhythm of the song. Music doesn’t care if you know the steps. It doesn’t care if you’re trained or clueless. The moment the beat drops, everyone’s connected. That’s the beauty of it, music is a universal language, a unifying force that brings people together beyond skill, culture, or confidence.
Embracing Imperfection
At the end of the day, my little dance isn’t about faking it. It’s about embracing imperfection. By giving myself permission to be awkward, I gave myself permission to belong. And that’s the bigger lesson: you don’t need to be flawless to be part of something bigger. You just need to be willing to step in.
So the next time you find yourself outside the circle, whether it’s a dance floor, a cultural tradition, or even a professional space, don’t hold back. Tilt your head. Raise your arms. Feel the rhythm.
Because sometimes, being part of the dance is far more important than knowing all the steps.
Final Thoughts
At its core, this little story isn’t really about dance. It’s about identity, belonging, and the courage to show up even when you feel out of place. Humor, music, and a simple defense mechanism move reminded me that participation matters more than perfection.
We all carry moments where cultural expectations or social settings make us feel like outsiders. But those same moments also hold opportunities, to laugh, to connect, and to find our own way into the circle.
Because in the end, it’s not about having every step right. It’s about sharing the experience, embracing the imperfection, and realizing that connection often happens in the most human, imperfect ways.
Frequently Asked Questions
1 - What lesson does Bhangra teach about life?
Bhangra reminds us that life is less about precision and more about energy, presence, and joy. Even if you don’t know the right moves, being in the circle matters. Similarly, in life, engagement and effort often matter more than perfection.
2 - How does humor help in overcoming cultural awkwardness?
Humor breaks tension, invites inclusion, and helps people connect. When you laugh at yourself, it shows you don’t take things too seriously. This openness makes others more comfortable and turns potential embarrassment into a shared moment of joy.
3 - Why is participation more important than perfection in social settings?
Connection comes from showing up, not from flawless execution. Whether it’s dance, work, or traditions, people value your willingness to join in. Participation builds bonds, while perfection often creates pressure and distance.
4 - Why do people feel out of place in cultural traditions?
Identity doesn’t always match skill or knowledge. You may belong to a culture but not know its practices well. This gap can create feelings of exclusion, but it’s natural and common, especially in multicultural or diasporic experiences.
5 - How does embracing imperfection help in social life?
It frees you from fear of judgment and allows you to participate fully. People connect with authenticity more than polish. By embracing imperfection, you open yourself to laughter, bonding, and deeper experiences with others.
About the Author:
Shawn Kanungo is a globally recognized disruption strategist and keynote speaker who helps organizations adapt to change and leverage disruptive thinking. Named one of the "Best New Speakers" by the National Speakers Bureau, Shawn has spoken at some of the world's most innovative organizations, including IBM, Walmart, and 3M. His expertise in digital disruption strategies helps leaders navigate transformation and build resilience in an increasingly uncertain business environment.